Team tantei, go!
by fukuji mihoko
Summary: Erika and Will form an incredible, epic alliance, taking down all who stand in their paths! ... ...Or at least, they would... if they weren't so busy arguing with each other.


**Team tantei, go!**

* * *

"Ahaha! Good! This is truly _good_!~"

Furudo Erika sneered, prideful as a peacock, as she happily did a twirl in her elegant skirts. They swayed about her legs in a flurry of color; though not her typical salmon pinks and rose reds (Erika had always snorted at the thought of that uncouth Jessica wearing such a dress). Today, Erika's attire had been altered somewhat, so it was now comprised of greens, greys and blacks.

She was no longer dressed like Furudo Erika.

According to a quick search on Google (such a handy tool; why wasn't it available in 1986?), she was Furune Eriku now; a Furudo Erika based on the color palette of the famous virtual diva, Hatsune Miku.

Strangely enough, Erika was not upset by this sudden change to her appearance. If anything, she was incredibly pleased. Smugly satisfied. Even _elated_. It wasn't as if Erika particularly wanted to be associated with some silly piece of technology that shot to fame because it was marketed under the image of some silly school-girl esque robot with twin tails similar to hers'- of course not. Being linked with some tacky character basement dwellers probably jerked off made her feel slightly sick. But that didn't change the fact Hatsune Miku, the inspiration behind her palette swap for the latest Umineko fighting game, was _incredibly popular_.

Miku was rapidly becoming one of the most popular characters that had originated from Japan; known throughout the world for her squeaky, electronic voice, distinctive teal hair and her obsession for leeks.

And, if Ryukishi wanted to design Erika after a famous character like thaaaat- why, Erika had no problems with that it at aaaaall, ahahaha~

"Good, this really is very goooood!," Erika proclaimed happily, hands clasped at her front and eyes sparkling- quite lost in thoughts arrogant of her own grandeur. "If my alternate costume has been based on the popular Hatsune Miku, then it must prove that I, too, am an _exceedingly _popular character!~ Almost everybody else in this silly game was re-colored with an awful blonde hair, white clothes design- and they didn't even _bother _to make the mustache of Ronove's sprite the same blond as his hair! Pffffft! Ahahaha! How lazy- that's not even second rate; that's **third rate**! No, something like that isn't even a rate at all! AhaHAHA!~ And let's not get started about how hideous **Dlanor **looks, or that stuuuupid, self-important **Golden Witch **in her purple dreeeeess, or those useless stake sisters, or the furniture Kanoooon, or that useless Shannooooon!~ Ahahahahahahaha! I plainly have the best character redesign out of everybody! I'm not just a blonde Furudo Erika- I'm Furune Eriku now; and it's _very, very niiiiiice _to meet you everybody!~~~ I must be the most popular character!~ Merely by my costume design, that level of reasoning is possible for Furudo Erika! Weeeell then! What do you think, everyone? Ahahahahahahaha- haaau!"

But Erika never to finish her final string of insane laughter.

Somebody had managed to silence her.

This might not sound like such an incredible feat when written down simply like this- but, if you were acquainted at all with Miss Furudo Erika, you would know just how earth-shattering (maybe even meta-shattering) a statement like that was.

The shock might have been enough to make the stony Dlanor fall over backwards off her swivel chair.

Somebody had _made Furudo Erika shut up, mid-rant._

And they'd done it very simply, too- with the use of a fist.

"H-hey, what's the big idea?" Erika groused, glaring up at her assailant. She had to glare up because the person who had hit her was very tall. They towered over her.

When Erika recognized who it was (it took her, being a great detective, approximately 0.001 seconds to identify that face to a name), her frown morphed into a cruel smirk.

"Oh, hello, ex member of the SSVD," she said, voice coated in a sugary sweet simper too sickly to be sincere. Taking either side of her teal skirts in her hands, she bowed politely and said, still smirking that frog-like little smirk, "It really is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wright~ Aaah, though, because you're not a detective anymore, I think Willard would do quite fine, yes?~ A person like you doesn't need formalities wasted on them, right?"

"That's fine," Will said gruffly, folding his arms. "Formalities are a pain in the ass anyway. Call me whatever the hell you like."

At that invitation, Erika couldn't help but giggle maliciously. Her mind (so mature when it came to solving mysteries, but so childish when it came to interacting with other humans), instantly began to fill up with various insults for this stupid man. What was it her Master had called him? A fool who placed too much emphasis on the 'heart'? Pfffft, as if the 'heart' even mattered. Who read a mystery novel for emotions and feelings? Corpses in mystery novels weren't even humans- they were interesting plot points, and nothing more.

Will really was stupid. No wonder he'd had to leave the SSVD.

Idiot.

Moron.

A disgrace to all detectives everywhere.

Really… in the words of that irritating, self-proclaimed 'witch' Eva-Beatrice… why didn't a pathetic waste of flesh like that just roll over and diiiiiie?~

Giggling, Erika said sweetly, "Alright then, maybe I will take you up on that offer~ I can think of some very, veeery suitable names for you, ufufufu~ Aaah, but why is a _great _detective- oops, sorry, _ex-detective _like yourself talking to me?~ I wonder, I wonder…"

Will pulled a face. He didn't try very hard to disguise his open look of disgust- but that only made Erika's smirk widen.

Good, good. She liked people who didn't hide their true emotions. It was so dull, sniping at people subtly behind a façade of manners. Getting into real arguments, with angry words, raised voices, maybe even hair-pulling or childish name calling- _that _was the best way to jog her little grey cells into action, ufufufufu~

"In this new fighting game, apparently we have to work together," Will explained. "However, that doesn't mean I'm going to adopt any of your methods when it comes to interrogating suspects."

"Oh, reeeaally?~ What a shaaaame, Willard! And to think- you might have been able to learn something from me! Maybe then the SSVD would want you back! Ahahaha- o-ow!"

Miraculously, once more Erika was silenced.

Will had hit her over the head again.

"Be quiet. I don't discriminate when I punch people. I'll hit men and women if they're acting like assholes," he said sharply. "For your own safety, I'd advise you to be quiet. If you start tearing at my clothes I'll have to trim your nails."

Erika harrumphed, eyes narrowed, as she adjusted her cap of roses and ribbons Will had knocked askew. What a horrible man, treating a cute girl like her in such a rough manner. She'd have to ask her Master to throw him into the deepest, darkest pits of hell for this.

"What are you talking about? I'm not a cat, you know- I won't start scratching people if I'm in a bad mood."

"I'm not so sure of that. You are a piece belonging to Lady Bernkastel, after all- and I know first hand she has such a love of things that bite and scratch. Now, come on, Little Miss Detective. Apparently, we have a crime scene to investigate."

Erika glared hotly at Will's retreating back- slightly perturbed at the way he was treating her. Was he trying to ignore her? Her, Furudo Erika? She had always been more intelligent than her peers, and she refused to let this man walk all over her, just because he was a few (okay, more than a few) inches taller! Her brains had to be greater than his, they had to- e-even if her Master had used that pathetic man as her piece in the seventh game and not her; i-it wasn't because Will was better than her! It wasn't!

"Excuse me, _Willard_. I will not be called such a derogatory term when _I _am a real detective, and you are not!"

"Hn? Well, you're tiny, and you're an unmarried woman- obviously; who would marry you?- and you're a self-proclaimed detective, so. Little Miss Detective. That's you. But I'm Willard H. Wright, and I'm not putting up with your whining, unless you want me to punch you again."

Erika's face contorted through a serious of interesting expressions, as though she had just tasted burnt porridge. Her expression flickered between anger, rage, hatred and hostility (all of which were just slightly different, if only slightly), before it finally settled…on her usual cold, cruel smirk.

The frog-like smirk; one eye wider than the other, lips parted in a cruel smile, teeth on show. Despite her claims she wasn't a cat or Lady Bernkastel's pet, she did look as though she might bite something in a few moments.

"Humph… ahaha… ufufufufu! I like it, I liiiike it~ How interesting~ What an _interesting _man!~ Those are pretty big words for a pitiful ex-detective who isn't even an inquisitor anymoooore to tout about- especially to a person such as myself, who serves the great Lady Bernkastel! You might want to watch your tongue, or her cats might really tear it out, you pitiful waste of space!"

"Well, I may be a 'waste of space, but at least I'm not a complete bitch."

"I'd rather be a bitch than an idiot!"

"And I'd rather be an idiot than a thoroughly unlikable human being- so I suppose we're even. If I'm really so 'unlikable' though…" Will looked at Erika from over his shoulder- and, rolling his eyes distastefully, he tugged at his coat. "…you might want to question the color scheme of _my _alternative outfit- instead of crooning over yours'."

Erika frowned and folded her arms, tilting her head to one side.

"Hm? What of your outfit? It looks like another crappy recolor to me, with more white- just like Ronove and Dlanor, ufufufu~ It's a perfect recolor for a useless man such as yourself, Wiiiiiill~"

"Humph. So you only researched the character your color scheme was based on? Given your self-centred nature, that's hardly surprising."

Erika glared. "What's that supposed to mean?"

There was a small pause. Perhaps Will was doing it on purpose, just to annoy Erika- and it was working. She hated it when people withheld information from her. She was the detective- she had a right to know everything. How could she ever solve a case if suspects deliberately refused to tell her all they knew? Aaargh…

It made her grit her teeth together in irritation.

Will could plainly see just how het up this silly, self-important little girl was getting- and, though he knew it was childish and Lion would chide him for being immature later, he couldn't help but drag the silence out just a little longer.

The sound of Erika shifting restlessly, her teeth crunching as though she were chewing ice-cubes, was a sweet melody indeed.

"… … …My color scheme was based on a Vocaloid, too," Will finally deigned to explain. "A rather popular one at that. I'm Kaito, apparently. Hatsune Miku's unofficial big brother. It looks like you're not the only fandom-adored singing idol here, Little Miss Detective."

W-what?

Erika's eyes widened.

Her fingers inadvertently clutched at the teal hem of her ruffled skirts- tugging and twisting the fabric in her tight grip, as though trying to wrench pieces of her skirt into rags.

W-was that true?

Did that useless failure of a detective have an alternate character design like that, too?

T-that…

But…

Erika was the most popular! It only made sense she should have the most unique alternate design! T-that wasn't faaaaaair!

Will smirked lazily, eyes flashing.

"It's looks like I'm popular too, huh? Merely by my costume design, that level of reasoning is possible for Willard H. Wright. What do you think, Furudo Erika?"

* * *

**a/n: **Cross-posted from my tumblr. It's too meta-aware to belong in my seakitties oneshot collection, so it can stand by itself instead ^^'' I hope you like it~ Oh, and it's based on Ougon Musou Kyoku Cross, and Erika & Will's recolors; Erika being Miku, and Will being Kaito XD

**~renahhchen xoxo**


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